Hello! I have decided to come back to note down the peculiar change in how I feel today.

It could have been the result of any of these:

• had an ample 8-hour sleep
• cooler weather due to the recent cloudy/rainy weather — is the season changing to autumn soon?
• did what I would usually have done before summer happened — chores, sorting things, cooked myself a meal
• the fact that I’d noted in my work journal for yesterday, as a self reminder moving forward — “Zero Expectations”
• would it be the new can of coffee I’d decided to try from KALDI?
• or that I tuned in into an old playlist?

I’m actually feeling cheery today! I haven’t felt this cheery in a long time since summer began. It was a strange mood. It’s like I started off hyper in summer, and then there was a certain weird mood I’d gotten into just because I seemed to have misunderstood some people’s intentions — despite how I take pride in trying to read between the lines of people’s actions, since I can’t see their facial expressions. Being the small empath, I’m usually not very far from guessing someone’s expression; an intuitive sense. I suppose, I will never know unless the other person literally communicates his/her intentions. So, I shall just leave it as that. I’ve decided to place myself out of whoever’s mental box and focus on myself instead.

It can get depressing if I keep trying to figure out to react based on the other person’s point of view or situation — the want to be as right by the person as possible. But, no one can ever be that perfect. Maybe, that’s why I’ve always placed myself at a certain distance unless the other party wanted to get closer. If I moved forward, my earnestness most often gets mistaken or misunderstood. There’s no motive other than wanting to get to know the person. But, no one really gets it. It’s quite terrible to be misunderstood.

Another situation happened with work. Someone decided to have random conversations with me about possible future plans. However, there’re no real actual factors being discussed; criteria, or pay scale. Everything is in the clouds. I’d thought to just go with the flow of conversation. This time, however, I was pretty honest about it. I mean, if there’s nothing good enough to hold me back to continue living or working here, I would just look for another adventure. I’ve realised that one can start from zero or a halfway point, good enough to make a new life somewhere new — even if people relations can be challenging. It is definitely possible. It does take time to find your ground, but never impossible to. After all, isn’t life about experiencing what is out there to learn from?

I think I’ll probably still be out here wandering, thinking, going through with what life brings in my path until someone or something decides to just lock me into one place.

At the moment, this sheer feeling and actualisation of “having zero expectations” is really keeping me happy. I want to stay in this mindset moving forward.